Unexpected discovery

So I forgot I had made some journal entries right when I was noticing my symptoms.  And as far as my story goes…this is probably the next logical step.  I’ll do a childbirth post, but one thing I want to mention quick is: if your childbirth experience upset/traumatized you in any way, you could develop postpartum PTSD.  Talk to someone about what you’re feeling/experiencing immediately.

My symptoms showed up around end of September of 2009.  I was two months postpartum and had been back to work for two weeks.  My journal entry is as follows:

“I’m also trying to deal with this germophobia I’ve developed.  I’m not sure if it’s at the level of a phobia or if I’m just keeping it from getting too phobic because I have to live my life.  I have to take care of myself, Charles, Aidan, I have to work.  I basically got paranoid right around the time I returned to work.  My co-worker had told me not to touch/change the printer toner because it was toxic.  I never talked to the doctor, but I didn’t mind touching one less thing that was dirty.  So after I have Aidan, I’m fine.  Washing my hands when necessary but not crazy paranoid.  I get back and 4-5 toner cartridges have been switched out and are sitting on one of the big counters.  Plus there’s a little toner on two of the counters, but just a little.  I start freaking out mentally.  Physically, I avoided them.  then I talked to the doctor and he said try to use tissues or something when handling them and wash my hands afterwards and that the nurses in the office have to change toner all the time.  And so even with that, I’m still paranoid.  But I have to take care of sending the toners back, it’s part of my job.  So i use paper to close up the boxes to make sure I get no toner on my hands and I’m sealing the boxes, trying to only touch the tape.  Because in my head, the boxes are as dirty as the cartridges inside.  Not that they’re dirty with dust or dirt from being in the delivery trucks.”

There’s more that I will post later.  For reference, Charles is my hubby and Aidan is my little imp 😛

Be well.


~ by phaerygurl on April 9, 2013.

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